Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
