So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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