i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please, let me fuck your mom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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