And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
