He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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