I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
