Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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