In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
