So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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