Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
