Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
