Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
