doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
