And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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