You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
