Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
