so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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