Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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