Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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