Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
