Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
