mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
as a side note pls kill me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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