You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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