I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
