yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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