No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
