It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
