She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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