lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
