Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.