Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.