No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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