Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
