i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff