My friends, they love my intelligence
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
