I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
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i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?