I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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