im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
