is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
