toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
