I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize