Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
