9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
