So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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