He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
