i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
