I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
