so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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