Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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