I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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