the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
