so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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