brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
