Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize