he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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