just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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