you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My bed smells like the plague
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
