dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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