i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
