Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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