He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
