fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
