But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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