I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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