I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't notice because vodka
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
