Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
