what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
