I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize