Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
