these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
