The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
