i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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