like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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