she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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