ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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