we made out on top of his cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
