i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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