i used baking grease as lip gloss
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
