So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
