I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
