She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
