at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
pray to the hookup gods
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
