Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
