My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
