You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
